Where do I begin? I think for the last month my mind has been nothing but a figure eight..its like i replay the same thing over and over and over again in my mind and then when I start to think of something else, once again it replays over and over and over just as my last thought did. And then the two thoughts collide and its a back and forth decision on what to think of next..
My Cousin or should I say my best friend , committed suicide a month ago..i was with him the day before it had happen.He was so deep into drugs and thought the world was against him and that everyone hated him. We would be sitting in the car at a gas station or a store, and see a random person that he nor I had no idea who he or she was and would look at me and say he hates me. I  would reply with he has not idea who you are and he would say I know, but everyone hates me. It has been the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with..i do not eat i do not sleep i think about him and the things i could have done different to better his life.He was the smartest twenty six year old i have ever met! Not to mention he knew the bible front to back and would write scriptures like it was his job! He had gotten so many people to follow Jesus. He gave many people their first bible and would write what they should read firt and go through and highlight all his favorite verses and what not..He always told me that God will never give you too much to handle. So why would he do this? He trusted in the Lord, but not in himself... hard to believe.